Skip to main content

If You Can Answer This Question, Your Wildest Dreams Will Come True

A few days ago I was having a conversation with my sister. She's trying to figure some things out. I'm sure she will eventually, but in the meantime she's going through a twenty-something-university-graduate-with-an-existentialist crisis period. Not that there's an age limit on those..
"You gotta do what's right for you." I told her.
"But that's the thing, that's what I've been doing!" And indeed she'd been off to places working, volunteering, learning, you name it, all in the name of herself. It's what we all do. Now that we're living in the age of personal branding, it's even more about doing what's best for ourselves. It's pretty much what we all do all the time, and yet, the doubts and unfulfilled expectations prevail.

"You know what, forget it," I told her, "maybe the real question is, 'what can you do for others?'"
"Yeaaah, exaaaactly!" She talks with lots of drawn out vowels, my dear sis. "Everyone's so set on doing what best for themselves and telling me the same thing, but it's not enough, you know."
"I know." I replied socratically. "Imagine what kind of world this would be if people were brought up with the mentality that they have to do what's best for others."
"That's what I need to figure out." She said.

It's no easy task figuring it out. If it were we'd be some sort of very socially-advanced species living in a Utopian world. Still, just because something's hard to figure out doesn't make it irrelevant, in fact it's that much more important to decipher. I know this much, as humans we all have questions that need to be answered. We now have the internet for lots of those answers, but Google can't ever tell us what we're meant to do in life, why we're here, or what happens after we're gone. Those answers are all very personal and possibly incomprehensible to our worldly minds. Most of all, Google can't even tell us what question(s) we should be asking. Is it all about what's best for myself, or what's best for others?

It looks like we may be moving towards the latter. Ironically enough, social media and the personal branding trend are playing a big role in getting us there.

The majority of twitter and Facebook users do it the primitive way; me, me, me. "I went here, I did this, I ate that." Great, everyone thinks you're awesome.  But among that noise, those that stand out do so because they distribute content for others not to others. Take checking-in as an example, if we deconstruct it, it's a simple act of broadcasting a non-relevant piece of information that offers no real value to those who are made aware of it (Facebook shareholders appreciate it though). On the other hand, there are the few social networkers who prefer to distribute content whose value can be measured in terms of relevance or benefit to others. Telling everyone what you ate for dinner is about you, in no way does it benefit somebody else. Posting an article about a new discovery does the opposite; it asks for an opinion and stimulates discussion about something other than yourself.

There is more though. It is said that at the bottom of every human decision there is selfish motivation. Even when you want to help others you're doing it because you want to feel better about yourself - therefore you're still selfish. This social media stuff is not that different. Sharing for others is great, but it's still about self-interest; your personal brand, your Klout score, or just collecting lots of Likes. Still, the non-relevant types are stuck in a self-centered vacuum of emptiness and, well, irrelevance.

I find it fascinating that this is happening online, because it actually reflects very accurately on our 'real-life' dynamic. It shows that we're all self-interested, but that not all of us are self-centered. As people post relevant content, the self-centered crowd will begin to realize that it's a better game than the one they've been playing and may even desire to change their tune. I've kept a close eye on Facebook and noticed how, over time, people have progressed in this manner.  This leads me to believe that some fundamental values of self-worth will begin to shift, from 'me' to 'you'. The relevant sharers will want to take their relevance offline into the real world -some already do. Most of these types appear well-intentioned and bent on positive change in society for its own sake.Once they're offline they may no longer have the benefit of Klout scores or Likes, but that's because a real 'thank you' is worth more than any analytically generated virtual score. 

Idealism at its best, but honestly, why not? If the definition of insanity is to do the same thing while expecting different results, we must all be crazy to keep doing what's best for ourselves without giving the obvious alternative a shot.

I don't always add videos to my posts, but when I do, they're relevant:


  1. Lol! drawn-out vowels is a good way to describe how i speak. anyway, idealism seems to run in our family. but good idealism, not the "i'm gonna get married, buy a big house and live happily every after idealism." hope we can make apply this mentality of serving others in our own lives so that it doesn't remain an ideal but becomes a reality!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10 Reasons Why Romania is Better Than America

Really? Yes, really. Let me count the ways.

In America you can get everything you've ever dreamed of: GameBoy, Sega Genesis, plants that look like faces, and more.  Maybe if you work really hard long hours at the job you hate (but that you tell everybody you love lest you appear to be a miserable person), you can even get a flat panel home theater TV that takes up half your basement (on credit, of course). Awesomeness!!
In America you can always be sure to be on top of the latest fad, such as devil sticks or Tamagochi and you will be first to read bestsellers like The DaVinci Code and Fifty Shades of Crap literature. Basically there are thousands of ways of feeling accomplished -or pretending that you are - you just need to be there to catch all these wonderful trends on time!

I know what you're thinking, how can Romania possibly top all that considering America is also the land of Root beer floats and Antoine Dodson?

Everything's been done in America, that's why peopl…

Is Cluj The Best City On Earth?

It's a question I ask myself at times.

Let's put it this way; I've been around. Maybe not all around the world, but halway-ish maybe. Sailed the canals of Amsterdam, biked from one end of Paris to the other, took the train from Budapest to Berlin, drove the 405 in LA, and yeah, I even rode a hay cart back in the day. But other than enjoying all these forms of transportation, I got to enjoy the places I visited. I don't know about you, but when I visit a place I always ask myself,  'would I live here?' While the answer is often 'yes, why not', the only place I moved to was Cluj.

Cluj, how do I love thee, let me count the ways:

1. I love your smell. It's like earth, and air, and city. I will never forget my first day here, when I  walked out of the arrivals building at the airport and breathed in your smell. Spring. You're the city of eternal Spring. On a balmy day, it's what you smell like, even if it's December, or August.

2. I love your…

Are Romanian Women The Most Beautiful In The World?

More than once, I was asked to write about the beauty of Romanian women, but...

I have no words. Besides, I may be biased, but clearly it's a rhetorical question.

However, there is no shortage of Facebook pages dedicated to the subject.

Image: A typical Romanian woman, Madalina Ghenea.

10 More Reasons Romania is Better Than America

I get it. The US is special. I hate to say it, especially as a Canadian, but it is.

But it's mostly special because of the America that it used to be. The idea of America is special.

There was, once, an American Dream within the reach of any hard working man. It was a country that offered unprecedented freedoms and opportunities unmatched by any other. The great melting pot was about inclusion towards one common goal, it was not divisive, individualistic and driven by a Bergeron-esque vision of 'equality'. Assets were not based on decades-long lines of credit, and salaries kept up with cost of living increases. I could go on about 'the way things used to be' but you can look it all up if you're interested. If you live there, you should be.

The reality in America is different now.

Sure, it's still the land of plenty. But the plenty is not all good. Plenty of debt, plenty of poverty, plenty of obesity, plenty of civil unrest coupled with plenty of heavy-hand…

10 Things Romania Does (A Bit) Differently - Part 1

A few days ago, after walking into a grocery store, I couldn't help noticing I was in a state of trepidation. The reason? I'd walked in with my gym bag, purposely avoiding the security guy at the entrance. I felt his eyes must be following me and that a loud, "Hey, you!" would ring out the moment I turned into an aisle.

It turns out that the longer you live somewhere, the more you get used to it. A truism, of course. What is not immediately apparent is that this isn't necessarily a good thing, especially when you find that you've become used to something you may have found, at some point in the past, in another place, entirely unacceptable.

This is why, now that I've crossed over the honeymoon period of my move to Romania, I find my enthusiasm for life here wanes when, for the 286th time, I  am forced to walk into a supermarket through the designated entrance point, even if an empty checkout is much closer and no less accessible. Then, upon entry, a grump…

You Can't Plan a Romania Road Trip, But You Should Anyway

I started writing this post in September 2014, not long after coming back from vacation. I dropped it because I got sick of going through the hundreds of pictures we took just to pick the perfect ones for this post. But, like a seed once planted, it needs some water and the right conditions to flourish. In my case: an email from a reader, asking me about road-tripping through Romania, and the chance to lift this weight off my back. So here it is, a summary of one Romania road trip, from Cluj and back.


2,656 Kilometers.
188 Liters of gas.
2,919 RON.

That's more or less the tally for the Romania road trip I took with my roomie/wife Roxana. We could have booked an all-inclusive vacation to Greece, Turkey, or Bulgaria at about the same cost, but how could we resist a road trip? A unique waterfall, the 'tunnel of love', the best driving road in the world, Summer …

What I Learned About Driving In Romania

I get it now. I understand Romanian drivers and their follies. It's something I thought would never happen. All it took to shape me into a Romanian road rage machine was one month of driving around Cluj and a 400 km round trip. I'm kidding about the rage part.

The idea of driving in Cluj was intimidating. Last time I'd driven manual shift was almost ten years ago when a co-worker asked me to drive her and her newly purchased, Pontiac Firefly home because she had no idea how to do it. So of course I stalled that little bastard all over the place. Little surprise that the idea of driving along busy and narrow European streets was unappealing - especially after years of driving automatic on wide, North American roads.

But I managed. Stalled an average of once per trip during the first week, and then a couple of times in the second week, and now, a little over a month later, I sometimes stall at stoplights when I forget I'm driving stick and leave it in gear when I release…

Here Is Why Romania's Future Is Bright

The festival is only in its second edition, but following last year's inaugural event, Electric Castle has stirred up enough buzz to attract visitors from beyond Romania's borders. Walking around the festival grounds I had the impression that every other group was comprised of foreigners speaking Hungarian, English, German, or French. And judging by the license plates in the parking lots, every county in Romania was well represented. While there's plenty to be said about the artists and the music, there's something else I want to discuss in this post.

When you think "music festival", the image that comes to mind is that of overly excited youth on a drug and alcohol infused rampage, laying waste to everything in their path. Maybe it has something to do with the way festivals like to promote themselves; these are basically the images that stand out on most 'Official Aftermovie' videos from major music festivals. But obviously the experience is defined b…

Why Romanians Don't Like Romanians

To my knowledge, this national self-loathing is a uniquely Romanian experience. Maybe we share it with some of our neighbours, but I doubt it. I've never seen a people dislike their own as much as the Romanians.
This is going to be highly generalized, but as with most things I write here it's rooted in personal experience and observations. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

1. Romanians like the exotic, to be Romanian is the antithesis of what it means to be exotic.

2. Romanians are often prejudiced. The thought process goes something like this: If you're Romanian you're probably bereft of interesting experiences and financially limited. You're from 'the-worst-country-on-earth', after all. If  you're well off, then you're just a rich asshole (probably a thief, too). Either way, your Romanian-ness ensures you're seen as a person with limited horizons who likely can't offer anything new or different.

If you're Western European or Nort…

Rosia Montana - An Informed Reply

It's always a pleasure to see a new email message from somebody who's been reading this blog. In this case, the message came in from a reader who first contacted me last year. He moved to Canada quite a while ago and settled in the Northwest Territories. He wanted to respond to the previous post on Rosia Montana, but given the length of the reply, I've asked him to allow me to publish it as its own post. He asked me not to share his name, but outside of that, I'm copying it verbatim.

(Edit: In Romana mai jos)

Hello Matt,

Here we go again: Rosia Montana. I got involved in this project about four years ago. I had had phone interviews with radio stations in Bucharest; I published several articles in two or three magazines in Bucharest. I hosted, guided and loaded up with data and portable computer equipment one “Romanian explorer” as the Romanian media called her: Uca Marinescu. Perhaps the name rings a bell. Anyhow she never got back to me; there was no feedback, no follo…